Confessions of A Leader: Lost In A Moment…

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joybecause of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.      

— Philippians 1:3-6

Lost in a moment. It can be such a beautiful experience… A moment of intimate love. A moment of cheer and laughter. A moment of silence and serenity. A deep and special moment of friendship. A moment lost in the music. There are those moments that we get lost in that take our breath away. Oh, the majesty of seeing the brilliance of the creative hand of the Almighty in a sunrise or sunset. A gentle blue sky. The sun glistening off a lake or pond. A timely gentle wind caressing over us as we relax and reflect. Sweet ‘I love you!’s with a life companion. A cold ice cream cone on a hot summer day. The birds chirping off the back porch deck. The aroma of the flowers of the field.  Oh, how good it can be to get lost in a moment!

While this is very true, there also is the sad truth and reality that we can (and sometimes do) get lost in moments that are not beautiful, nor do they fill us with hope, peace, joy, and love. These moments are often tools of Satan to hold us back from pressing on and persevering to the call and cause God has written on the tablet of our life, if we will just allow His hand to be there; avail ourselves to Him who will carry it to completion! These moments in which Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy often are not intentional sin moments;  as if one has ran to sin and embraced it. In fact, these moments often are the result of unseen spiritual warfare, self-weakness, and a lack of focus in the right direction.

I praise God that He has created me with a heart that truly longs for Him and His will. Though broken and a wretched sinner, I strive to know and seek Him more, and want to evermore become more like Him, reflecting His love and light to this earth. I confess having been lost in moments significantly over the last couple of months. So if these sins are NOT intentional, what are they? Disobedience, in another fashion, maybe even more dangerous. For these moments I get lost in, are moments when my eyes are not fully on God but more so on my own strengths, abilities, gifting, or (and unfortunately this can be an all-too-often occurrence) on my own failures and weaknesses. Not being the best person to raise necessary funds, nor having the most tact or social intelligence to know how to maximize potential support from interested people and parties,  I have taken my eyes off the One who is the only one to look to, and have looked at myself, which opened my ears to the subtle and conspicuous lies of the Evil One. These are moments I get lost in, when I lack trust and belief of who God is, who He says I am, and what He has for me and my life.

The above scriptural passage tells us that God WILL bring to completion what He has begun and purposed in His children! Recently I committed to God (and Abogar’s Board of Directors) to take some time of intentional discipleship training and development as a leader. I am gearing up for a two month intense discipleship (leadership development) program, The Experience with Kingdom Building Ministries, and have found myself discouraged that so few of people, whom I believe really support me in serving God with my whole life, have stepped up to financially back me. Over the last month, I have found myself lost and wallowing in moments of fear of failure, discouragement, and weakness. I have been listening and believing Satan’s many lies. Satan yells that I am no good, too weak, and not worth investing in; that I am a failure and too broken to be used by God in any capacity. Reading these lies on my computer right now make it seem so laughable, and yet it has honestly been such a big struggle for me over the last couple of months! It’s not meant to be a pity party, but rather I share as a transparent and vulnerable human, who hopes this testimony may encourage you as well.

So my confession is this… Tonight God danced in joy over my life, whispered ‘I love you!’ over and over again in my ears, embraced me and assured me that its NOT because of my ‘great’ strength or accomplishments that He will continue gaining glory in my life. It is simply from faith, belief, trust in my heart and life that opens that path all the more for Him. He shared His pleasure for me, and asks me to receive it and walk in it. Tonight He asked me to share how I am walking in faith… leaving moments I have been lost in, pigeonholed by Satan’s accusations, and moving forward in great faith and trust of Him and His plans for me, that He will bring them to completion for His glory! So my confession is this, I stop chasing things that the world, and even often good-meaning people in church, may suggest or impose as expectations on my life, and I will live it more and more in obedience and faith for things that seem impossible… Lead a nonprofit organization. Yes, Lord! Fight for children, always! Yes, Lord! Trust Me to provide for The Experience and things I call you to. Yes, Lord! Ask and it will be given! Yes Lord! Wait on Me for healing and wholeness I am working out in your life! Yes, Lord! Be bold and ASK! Yes, Lord!

It’s 3:30am here in California right now, but my whole soul is awake and alive with the movement of the Holy Spirit!! God, The Father, is embracing me in pride and joy. Jesus encourages me again to ask you, yes YOU, and so that is what I am going to do!…

YOU, yes you, can invest in the development and discipleship of myself as a servant leader! My life is committed to serving Jesus, serving God, serving the children of this earth… in advocacy and seeking to help them each know Christ, have homes, families, and education, and to work with others to reach those who are orphaned and homeless of Latin America! Invest in me. I ask of you, so that Abogar and I may invest in the lives even more of the children who need God’s love, hope, and victory over their lives.

I need to still raise ~$3,400 for The Experience with Kingdom Building Ministries. There is a link below where you can learn more about what this adventure and opportunity is… AND GIVE!! God loves a cheerful giver (not out of compulsion or reluctance) and I do too! Please consider investing in such a foundational stage in my life and for Abogar International Ministries! We are trusting God, not fearing failure nor lost in a moment of discouragement! Help me and Abogar to move forward for God’s glory!! All donations are tax deductible and are an eternal investment!! THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME TO NOT BE LOST IN A MOMENT THAT DOESN’T POINT TO GOD!!  I am not perfect, nor can I boast of any great qualities in me, except this… He who began a good work in me will bring to completion until the day of Christ Jesus!!

http://kbm.donorpages.com/TheExperience/JesseRivers